Kitchens.

The year was ’88. I sat on that seat by the gas stove in my grandma’s kitchen so she could whip my kitchens. When she pulled out “the comb” from that small drawer next to the silverware and placed it in the fire, I knew my 8-year old life was about to get UPGRADED!My grandma would take the comb out the fire, wipe it on her old towel, and delicately grab tiny pieces of hair edges only a pro could master. She worked that hot comb so swiftly that I never got burned. Two hours later I would emerge from her kitchen like I stepped out of an Ebony ad. Every single time I sat in that kitchen chair.

For the rest of the day, I would bounce, flip, and whip my neck from side to side to show off my fresh do. Silky tresses, laid edges… my mane glistened with freshly-whipped buttered perfection. My grandma was SICK with the hot comb and twirled those hot curlers so fast, I was convinced she had magical fingers. I would proudly state “my grandma did my hair!” to the world.

In her house, the kitchen wore many hats. It’s the place where cobblers got baked, stories got told, and hair got “DID!”

I miss her kitchen.

Fast forward to today, I recently went to visit my grandmother and noticed her hair needed attention. Now see back in the day, my grandma was a beautician and her hair STAYED “fried, dyed, and laid to the side.” It saddened me a little see that she is no longer able to do to her own hair. So I grabbed her comb, a jar of Vaseline sitting idley on the nightstand, and went to work.

Now anyone that knows my grandma knows she used to talk your ear off, arguing, debating and being the loudest person in the room! Ooooh Lordt. If you tried to challenge her, you didn’t stand a chance. She knew her stuff and could argue a case for days! You would give up long before she got tired!

But in her old age, she doesn’t say much anymore. She exudes a quiet and peaceful grace. And as I opened up my kitchen this day, she never said a mumbling word. Just closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep while I braided and braided. Now I didn’t inherent her magical-finger gene, but I did what I could. A simple set of cornrows to get her through the week.

I even added a few loc beads to make her pop and snazzy. She has no idea how cute she was! But that’s okay, because I’m showing all of you the beauty of someone that means the world to me.

She never verbally said “thank you.” But I know she was thankful, I felt her gratitude via a special line of communication only a grandmother and granddaughter can access. Her heart was heavy and so was mine. I could tell she was thankful and felt pretty because she smiled and blushed as she carefully held my nephew.

The Circle of Life

When I was little, my grandma did for me when I couldn’t do for myself. Now I am returning the favor.

The post Circle of Life: My Grandma Used To Do My Hair, Now I Do Hers appeared first on Sassy Plum.

 Beyonce’s Coachella 2018 performance was HOT! She brought a historically black experience to a historically white audience. She belted out ‘Lift Every Voice and Sing’ and had a full marching band in the stands! I was transported back to my own college days and I loved the way she exposed HBCU culture to mainstream America.

Here are the reasons I love my HBCU!

The post Unapologetically Black! 10 Reasons Why I LOVE My HBCU! appeared first on Sassy Plum.

Now I love a bad dress. And a mean pair of heels. I would actually rock both every day if I could. But hours after I give birth? Nah, give me a break. Literally. Actually, give me a seat because I’m tired just looking at Duchess Kate!

What happened to graciously recovering after childbirth in body and spirit?  Why is our society overly-obsessed with the thought of Insta-Snapbacks and pretending as if we are completely unbothered by childbirth?

We live in a world where celebrities are competing to see who can return to “normal” more expeditiously than the last person, and proving it by showing the world they have morphed back into their pre-pregnancy state in record time. I’m not saying they are wrong, I am just wishing to see more narratives that don’t center around the immediate perfection of our post-pregnancy selves. It just feels 1960-ish.

Now, I’m not royalty and I don’t have the pressure to uphold ancient traditions, so that’s that. But I was stunned, disappointed, and borderline sad when Kate’s photo emerged of her holding her hours-old baby…IN HEELS! Of course, she has the right to be beautiful and fabulous right after birth. And she was! I get that and I’m not in the business of raining on someone else’s glamor parade.

BUT. What message is this sending to women across the world? What message is this sending to young girls trying to find their identity as emerging women in an already patriarchal society? What message does this send to mothers from all classes and backgrounds about the importance of always looking “on” and being beautiful, even immediately following something so life-changing as labor & delivery?

If I were Kate I would have simply said “NAH.”

It would have been really refreshing if Kate broke with tradition and did what so many of us were thinking: decline the staged performance and TOOK A SEAT. Several seats to be exact. Recliners to be extra specific, in order to reduce Postpartum swelling in the feet. The constant pressure to look amazing, convince others that we are unbothered and remain fabulously unchanged is a societal trend that doesn’t seem to be slowing down.

It’s totally okay to look disheveled, while sitting on your donut pillow with the hospital mesh panties and ice-pack while your va-jay-jay heals (as Oprah coined it). Birth is excruciating, motherhood is exhausting, and being able to admit to not feeling perfect is empowering. Focusing on the rawness of childbirth in all its glory is humanizing and REAL.

Although I love stunning photos and pretty dresses, a message of normalcy would have gone a lot further.

In closing, I wish the Royal story had gone like this:

Royal Family: Duchess Kate, please emerge to the world in your royal perfection!

Kate: Nah. I’m going to have a seat today.

The post Why Can’t We Be Empowered to Have a Seat After Childbirth? appeared first on Sassy Plum.

So Serena Williams had a baby. A beautiful baby girl.

But let’s back up. This woman made pregnancy look like body goals. I swear to my Father in Heaven that I NEVER want to be pregnant again (#mythreekids), BUT IF I DID, I’d want to look like Serena. Strong, gorgeous, and courageous. The woman had it all together.

But then she almost died.

No, really. Serena had a c-section because her baby girl wasn’t tolerating labor, followed by a blood clot that traveled to her lungs and almost killed her. I appreciate her valor in telling the world her story. I am here to bring clarity to some of the details.

First of all, there are different types of blood clots.

There is the type of blood clot that a woman can see during a heavy period, and there are the types that can collect within our blood vessels and cause oxygen to not be able to travel to vital parts of our body. I also can’t help but bring up this small fact: The word is clot with a “T” not clog, with a “g”. Check out a post about other commonly misspoken medical words, just to get the proverbial spinach out of your teeth. Okay, I’ll get down off of my nerdy high horse.

The types of clots that form during a period and are visible are often caused by heavy menstrual bleeding, polyps or fibroids. Blood is lost so rapidly that it forms jelly-like blobs that can plop out, often at the worst times. These types of blood clots are often not normal and should flag a need for a woman to talk to her gynecologist about how much blood she is losing every month. I recently spoke with a patient about how much blood she was losing during her period. She had no idea that her loss was excessive and potentially harmful. It was normal for her. Clots are usually not normal.

After having a baby, women can sometimes see blood clots in their pad or in the toilet because the volume of blood loss after having a baby is larger than a typical period. The nurse or doctor can still be involved in the discussion of how much is too much, because postpartum hemorrhage or excessive blood loss is a “thing”.

But what did Serena have, Doc?

She had the kind that forms in the blood vessels, often of the leg or deep veins, but can travel to the lung and stop blood from flowing through the lungs to get oxygen. Those types of blood clots are not massive like the ones you see in your pad, but they can kill you. There are proteins in our blood that should keep in from clotting, but some have too few or too many of those proteins which can let their blood clot. People can have genetic predispositions to this too.

How likely are YOU to develop a blood clot? For the sake of perspective, I want to offer some clot risk numbers. The following is an excerpt from my book, It Smells Just Like Popcorn. The risk of developing a blood clot while not on birth control is about 4 in 10,000, or 0.04%. To say that another way, out of 10,000 women, 4 will develop a clot, just because. On an estrogen-containing birth control, the risk is about 10-14 in 10,000, or about 0.1%. In pregnancy the risk is about 5 times that of the no birth control group (the N.B.C.s as I just decided to call them), which is 0.2% (1 in 500). The risk is about 20 times higher in the postpartum period than the N.B.C.s, or about 1% (1 in 100). Long periods of immobility (not moving), major surgery, high age and ethnicity can also affect these numbers.

I recently watched a video on social media where a woman was talking about herbs for clot prevention.

People were asking about herbs for energy and health. One person asked about herbs to make her blood “less sticky” because she has a history of blood clots. I was shocked because I kept thinking, “if you have a history of blood clots, you better see your doctor and take the necessary steps to make SURE you don’t get them again.” I like holistic and complementary medicine, but when issues can be life-threatening, I need the treatments with evidence demonstrating that they are effective. I won’t stake my life on a medicine that “might work”, especially without scientific evidence.

Serena was a mild blood thinner and STILL got a clot. What’s up with that, doc? Well, medicine isn’t perfect. She was a high risk because of her ethnicity, and moreover because she was postpartum. They put her on stronger blood thinners and she is alive today to tell her story.

What I hope people take from her story are three things:

1. Medical complications can happen to anyone, even the most athletic woman in the world. (By my calculations, she is.)
2. Never underestimate the value of speaking up and being your own advocate. Serena knew her medical history and had had a clot before. She knew what it felt like and was at the highest risk possible after having her baby girl. She spoke up and asked the doctors to evaluate her when she didn’t feel well. I will never fault my patients for making a reasonable request. My expertise combined with my patients understanding and agreement is what’s known as Shared Decision Making. This is important for the best care and for trust in the doctor-patient relationship.
3. Having a baby is unpredictable. The risks are high. The stakes are higher. Getting regular prenatal care is important, and following through if complications arise is even more so.

I want Serena’s story to open the dialogue between doctors and patients, not drive a wedge of distrust between us. The latter worsens health outcomes. The former improves them.

LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!

Check out my post about that time I had Diastasis Recti after having my kids by clicking on my pregnant belly (or anywhere on this picture for that matter, lol.)

Do me one more favor, check out and like my Facebook page. Please and Thank You!

The post Serena Williams’ Delivery Teaches a Valuable Lesson… appeared first on Sassy Plum.

Want to get your mom friends together? Throw a wine glass paint party!

Once a quarter, my mom friends and I have a mom “ditch day,” where we take a break from everything to enjoy each other’s company. For this spring’s get-together, we decided to indulge in something a little different…. a wine glass paint party! We all love wine, we love to chat, we love any excuse to hang out, so why not?

5 Reasons you need to plan a paint party with your mom friends:

1. It’s a great excuse to get-together without the kids.
2. You can chat and laugh at everything and nothing.
3. It’s a fun way to tap into a creative side you didn’t know you had.
4. You have an excuse to drink wine and eat yummy snacks.
5. You get to leave with a cute gift you painted yourself!

We held our paint party at Bottles & Bottega, a cozy venue where you can choose to paint on canvas, boards, or wine glasses! Of course we chose the wine glasses because we love wine!

What’s a wine glass paint party without actual wine? We had several bottles of red, white, and sparkling wines for mamas with different palettes. The cheese, crackers and grapes were the finishing to touches to our “mom snacks.”

First we chose our glass. We could pick from traditional wine glasses, stemless, or beer glasses. The tables were set with many supplies: paint brushes of all sizes, q-tips, cotton balls, and sponges to make corrections.

Next, we chose our paint colors and flipped through pictures for inspiration. We painted, and painted, trying to match the pictures. When we messed up, we simply cleared the glass with rubbing alcohol and started over.

Whenever we needed a hand, the wonderful and creative instructor stepped in to work his magic!

The wine glasses came with post-instructions to bake them when we got home, in order to make them durable and dishwasher-safe.Afterwards we posed for pictures and more laughs!

If you’re looking for a paint party in your area, check out these links:

Painting With a Twist
Bottles and Bottega
Pinot’s Palette
Wine & Design
Wine & Canvas

Thanks to Dr. Kiarra King for the lovely photos!

The post “Wine Fixes Everything!” Wine Glass Paint Party For Mom Friends appeared first on Sassy Plum.

New motherhood is my life. As an Obstetrician, I see mothers and fathers in their first dear-in-headlights moments of parenthood. Worrying about your children is every parent’s right and it starts in the womb. Am I eating enough? Am I drinking enough? Am I reaching too high? Am I bending too low? Will the baby be healthy?

This list can go on and on and on. Then, BIRTH. Now this mystic being who has been inside of you for 9 months is outside and subject to YOU. The worry shifts to questions like is the baby warm enough, fed enough, swaddled well enough, dry enough (diaper), sleeping too long, not sleeping long enough, gaining enough weight etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Am I a good enough mom?

Fast forward to now being a mother of three with two energetic sons and a toddler daughter. I’m physically and mentally worn down by work and life, but constantly feeling the pressure to be a better mother. I am charged with taking them to places and having them in activities and it can be challenging. Add onto that the peer pressure created when talking to other parents with similar, or very different lifestyles. A keeping-up-with-the-Jones phenomenon arises. Oh, and let’s not forget that your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, play cousins, siblings and friends can easily and readily donate their opinion about what you SHOULD be doing with your children and how they should be behaving.

So how do you answer the question, “Am I a good parent?”

How do you deal with the guilt of feeling like you are not doing the best job of parenting? What do you say to that Kindergartener who wants to know why YOU don’t go to every field trip at school when Bertha’s mom is always there? (Sidebar: I don’t know any children named Bertha. This is a fictional child used solely to support my point. If you know a kid named Bertha, this is not about her. And I am reading Tiffany Haddish book, The Last Black Unicorn, where an adult Bertha is mentioned.)

How I choose to deal with and answer this question of whether or not I am a good parent is to declare that I am and to dare myself to challenge this declaration. No, it is not because I am just that solid at parenting. It is because I think that the bar has changed and we cannot compare ourselves to the parenting of yesteryear. I also think that I, with three crumb snatchers, should have different benchmarks than someone with one. I should get a 7-minute grace period for each kid I have above one when trying to get my kids to school on time. No? Well, it was worth a try. No matter how many kids you have, we need to compare some very important differences from parenting in the past.

Let’s level the playing field. Parenting has changed.

When we were kids, many of us had street light childhoods. After school or on the weekend, you did homework but then you were able to play in the neighborhood for hours. My husband, Ed, always talks about playing, exploring and just being free until the street lights came on. These days my kids can’t be out of my eyesight or earshot outside. I don’t even consider myself a helicopter parent, but this world today won’t allow my children that level of freedom. People in this world are just too unpredictable. Maybe I feel this more because I live in a major metropolitan city, but too much freedom is not safe.

What that translates into is the need for me to take them places or be with them. I take them to the park. I take them to the indoor pool. I take them to practically, no, not practically, actually EVERYTHING THAT THEY DO outside of school. I take them to school too but at least if they have after-school activities, I don’t have to take them. Now, juxtaposing my life next to that of my parents when we were growing up, I now have my own grown-up life to live, and I need to be an accessory to every aspect of their childhood. I’m not complaining about that. I am grateful to be able to be that kind of mother for them. But I do allow myself to give MYSELF a break when I am tired and don’t take them to every place that they want to go every time they want to go there.

I also don’t feel bad that my oldest son loves and plays video games like Minecraft for hours because, as my husband recently pointed out, that is their safe space for creativity. They can’t run around the actual neighborhood, so instead, they run around the virtual neighborhood. As long as they still get their homework done and some physical activity, I think we have to give a little on the creative screen time.

Fact: Kids are spoiled.

Kids these days are spoiled, but, then, so were we. We wanted the latest this and the brand name that. My parents had no qualms about denying me my many requests. That “No” came swiftly and unapologetically. I think I just care too much. It’s not that I give them everything that they ask for, but I do sometimes feel guilty for saying no. I feel guilty and sometimes end up bending when I shouldn’t. I may need to start giving “no fudges” about my kids’ many requests for every toy, every game system and every vacation on every commercial that they see. I need to dole out guilt-free “No’s” old school style.

Communication has changed between children and adults.

My parents, then and now, would give me, and now my kids a judgemental and stern “you better come in here right now and clean up this mess.” My kids think that grandma is mean when she says that. They are used to hearing their teachers, and I, practically sing “okay children, let’s clean up.” Hell, Barney started this mess. “Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere…” or something like that. This is the moment our children stopped respecting us.

Okay, I’m just kidding about that one, but my point is that times have changed. Parenting is much more delicate these days. Because of that, every now and then when my kids lose their home training and don’t acknowledge my first request, I surprise them with an attention-getting “NOW!” or an “If I say it again, no more (insert something they care for deeply) for the rest of the day.” They know I have just a touch of crazy in me and that I am not playing. They straighten right up. This is how I choose to pay homage to the parenting of yesteryear. I’m not trying to raise disobedient a-hole children who don’t understand consequences. Check out another post I wrote about tactics I use to ensure that I raise obedient children. I use my words wisely.

Still, I unpack their childlike misbehavior with conversations rather than just punishments. I’m hip. I’m current (even though I just said “I’m” hip.) It is important for them to understand reasons for behaving in a manner that is cordial, considerate and socially acceptable. I want them to be able to explain reasons why they say or do things so that I can foster appropriate decision making in the future.

At the end of the day, we need to modify our expectations.

One of the books I am writing right now is called, Just Keep Them Alive. The book will be narrative of personal stories and advice for parenting, but the point stands. At the end of the day, we start with the basics and build on those. Keep them alive and safe. Then we can make sure they have a “balanced diet” AND sports skills AND the education you hope for AND the cultural exposure AND the languages etc.  All of those ANDs can wear you down as a parent. Especially if Mrs. Jones’s (another fictional character) kids are in Jiu Jitsu and Tennis and Swim Team and Kumon and just got back from Disney AND Universal Studios and Spain, because they speak fluent Spanish.

Fudge you Mrs. Jones.

I’m doing the best that I can and you, nor my parents, nor my own children will shame me. My kids are going to be just fine. They’re alive, aren’t they?

Follow me here and on my @dreverywoman Instagram Page for more from this momma who gives ZERO Fudges.

The post I worried about not being a good mom. Now I give zero fudges! appeared first on Sassy Plum.

With the weather breaking, we decided to venture out to the front yard for an impromptu photo shoot. The dress was last year’s H&M style for girls; click here for similar styles for the current season. Hair inspired by Shanillia26, an Instagram style guru. Check out the pics below!

The post Tiny Tot Tuesdays: Style, Shades, and Sundress appeared first on Sassy Plum.

I really like Think Pieces. I like seeing how people interpret media that has layers and secrets. It’s like solving a puzzle. Donald Glover, aka Childish Gambino did a number on us with ‘This Is America.’

I was first introduced to this video, which released on 5/5/18, by seeing snippets of it on Instagram. People were posting about it like it was the coming of Black Jesus in song. Naturally, I was intrigued. I took to YouTube and was met with the shock and awe of an ingenious juxtaposition of popular culture, both in music and dance, with careless death. In the first few seconds of the video, we went from jamming to an Afro-Carribean beat to seeing a man with a burlap sack over his head shot in the back of the head and dragged away on the ground.

What in Childish Gambino’s name is going on?

Moving on, your body can’t help but move to the trap bass, but you aren’t sure if you should let it. After all, you don’t know what is going to happen next. After the school kids bust out some classic and familiar moves, while riots take place in the background, the church choir is shot by an automatic rifle. Okay, Donald. My emotions can’t hang with you! My brain is fighting to decide if I love this or hate it.

Classic visuals from present day and yesteryear permeate this video. He goes from “feeling himself” (I’m so pretty), to being “hard” (grabbing his crotch and pretending to point a gun). Then he, seemingly being caught by his own internal turmoil, turns to self-medication with marijuana and hits us with some very well executed Michael Jackson, James Brown, and we-didn’t-know-you-could-move-like-that-Donald, moves.

What I Love About This Is America

What I love is the interlaced messages about masking the turmoil of the real world with the fakeness of popular culture. “We just want to party,” says to me that partying is all that matters even as people are dying daily on American and foreign soil. I don’t think that he is saying that we SHOULDN’T have fun and enjoy ourselves. Rather, I think that he is bringing light to the fact that fun shouldn’t negate or mask reality. We still need to acknowledge, deal with, and act on injustices. The everyday song and dance NEEDS to stop sometimes when things matter and lives are at stake.

I think he is ALSO reminding us that we can enjoy music and culture without glorifying killing, drugs and things that are self-deprecating. We can “get that money” without normalizing death, destruction and low self-esteem.

What I Hate About ‘This Is America’

I hate seeing people killed. I hate feeling that moment when those people died in a callous and cavalier way. I hate that there is more care taken to take away the guns, carefully and with caution, than that which is shown to those who just lost their lives. But I know that that was all intentional. I don’t hate these things in the way that I wish Mr. Glover hadn’t shown them. I hate the imagery. I think that I should dislike that imagery. We all should.

At the end of the day, I don’t think Childish Gambino wants us to LIKE this video.

He wants us to respect it for the artistry. He wants to convey these important messages and get airtime. But, I think if he saw a little kid in the backyard dancing to the rhythm and then pretending to shoot someone, then dancing again, he would be upset. I have watched this video countless times, but not to snap my fingers. Each time, I unpack more concepts and messages through the visuals and lyrics. It is purposeful entertainment. If we treat it as anything less than that, we’ve missed the point.

Consider this a “Think Peace.”

Follow me here and on Instagram @dreverywoman for more!

The post Think Peace: Donald Glover Doesn’t Want Us To Like ‘This Is America’ appeared first on Sassy Plum.

Aight ladies, listen up. Yes, I’m judging you today. We need to end the silent epidemic I call “Lazy Toe Nail Syndrome” that has taken over in recent years. The weather is warm, we are pulling out the sandals, we are ready to see and be seen on the scene. Now I’m not usually one to judge anybody’s life, because you live with you, but can we talk about toe nail maintenance real quick? Because some people are out here not even trying and I feel compelled to pull us back together. Sandal Season is not sneaking up on us. We are not surprised of it’s arrival. We know it’s coming. So this is a stance and public cry to let you know #AllToeNailsMatter. Especially yours.

Do you suffer from “Lazy Toe Nail Syndrome” (LTNS)?

To find out if you or a loved-one has been suffering, please take this short quiz:

1. Are your toe nails different lengths, have angles, or “jagged edges” that can harm you or others?
2. Is your polish rubbed off on your “big toe,” or grown out halfway down your nail-beds?
3. Is the skin around your toe cuticles overgrown like a neglected row of bushes?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you, my dear, have LTNS and need to be seen right away at your nearest nail shop!

5 Reasons to get your toes “did”

1. It’s relaxing. There is nothing greater than letting your feet soak in a tub of hot water! Then comes the pampering and foot massage… you cannot tell me this is not heaven! Spoil yourself, it’s important.
2. It’s time away from the kids. Need an excuse to get away from the kid(s)? Go to a place where kids aren’t even allowed! I love that sign in the window that says “no kids unless getting serviced.” This mama approves because I’m the only one being serviced TA-DAY!
3. It keeps your feet fresh and soft. Pedicures aren’t just for aesthetics. They keep your skin fresh and your toe cuticles in order. Suffer from dry and cracked feet even after your pedicure? Apply a large amount of this ointment twice a day and cover your feet with socks while it soaks in. It’s known to take away the cracks in under one week. It’s expensive, but works!
4. Your toes look cute. If you’re going to put on a sundress, have your hair poppin, and face beat, the least you can do is make your toes consistently competitive. And polish is fun! Who doesn’t like cool colors?
5. It’s common courtesy. Can you do your part? Because together, as a nation, we are trying to come together and end LTNS. Be a good example and make your toes easy on all of our eyes!

And if you ever catch me out here developing LTNS, do me a favor and please make a citizen’s arrest! Get a sista back in shape!

The post 5 Reasons to Get Your Toes “Did” In Warm Weather! appeared first on Sassy Plum.

Recently my daughter had a ballet recital that she worked all season to perfect! Before the big dance, I had to do an impromptu photo shoot and get some practice in with my new camera! Check out the shots below.

The post Tiny Tot Tuesdays: Ballet Recital Photo Shoot appeared first on Sassy Plum.

Meghan Markle dazzled the world as she became the first American Royalty.

No, really. She is the first American, let alone African-American to become legit royalty. (Ohh I hope she starts a hashtag or makes some bumper stickers with her face that say #legitroyalty).

But this post isn’t about that. It is about when we will see some little Markel-ettes running around the castle, or wherever they live. Meghan Markle is 36 years old at the time of this post. She’ll be 37 in August. Those eggs aren’t getting any younger.

Alright, Meghan. I’ll cut right to the chase.

Your fertility is declining rapidly.

You can still get pregnant spontaneously and have a very happy, healthy baby, but your fertility between now and a year from now is going to fall faster than it did from last year until now. If you want to slip in two or three little Harry’s or Meghan-ettes, you are gonna have to get it crackin’ soon!

First, get off of birth control if you were one it.

Second, download a free period tracker and plug in the first day of your period every month. The tracker should tell you about a 3-4 day window when you are ovulating. Try to get busy at least every other day while the tracker says that you are ovulating. I prefer free trackers over ones that attach to fit-bit like devices or urine-using ovulation predictors because those often add to the stress of trying to conceive, which is not good for fertility.

I just know, Meghan. Trust me.

Third, give yourself 6 months to try to conceive on your own. If you were under 35, I’d say give yourself a whole year, but at your age, you don’t want to lose too much time if assistance is necessary. You also don’t want to prematurely seek assistance from fertility specialists because, as I said, stress is often part of that result which is not good for you, your partner, or your fertility.

Fourth, if your periods are very irregular, see your doctor right away. Evaluation may be necessary to see if your thyroid or other hormones are normal.

Also, if Prince Harry has any erectile or ejaculatory dysfunction, high blood pressure, diabetes or any other medical problems, have him see his doctor sooner than later. Also, show him this post from The Doc’s Kitchen about making sure his sperm quality is in tip top shape.

Once you’re pregnant, check out this post on my women’s health blog about navigating pregnancy at something called “Advanced Maternal Age.”Subtle nuances will help keep you and your unborn royal baby safe.

Lastly, if you aren’t ready, don’t let anyone pressure you to do anything…

Well, good.

BUT GIVE US SOME ROYAL BABIES, PLEEEAAASSSSS, Meghan and Harry. (But no pressure.)

Originally published on Dear My People

The post Meghan Markle, Are You Giving Us Some Royal Babies? appeared first on Sassy Plum.

This week’s photo shoot is brought to you by Cat & Jack (all my Target shoppers know this brand all too well)! You can find this “Force of Nature” dress here. Shoes are bebe courtesy of Amazon. I usually aim to french braid her hair into styles that last at least a week. This French Braid Frohawk is a fairly easy style to throw together in under 2 hours.

The post Tiny Tot Tuesdays: Little Girls Are A Force of Nature! appeared first on Sassy Plum.

You know how people say they like your outfit and you awkwardly respond, “thanks, it has pockets!” Yeah that happened to me when I wore this jumpsuit to the Kendrick Lamar concert. It is chic, comfy, and fitted in all the right places! Best of all, it has pockets wide enough for a cell phone! The pockets also have enough give for a comfortable area around your stomach. All in all, I rate it a 10!

You can find the jumpsuit in wine, black and green on Amazon. The shoulder bag is from H&M. Here are some pics from my impromptu photo shoot.

The post What to Wear Wednesdays: Jumpsuit Pocket Heaven! appeared first on Sassy Plum.

When my daughter and I were invited to a tea party birthday party, we HAD to arrive in our fabulous tea party apparel!

Links to the items on Amazon:

Mommy dress

Little girl dress

Little girl shoes

Fascinators

Pink clutch

Check out our pics from our impromptu photo shoot!

The post What to Wear Wednesdays: “Mommy & Me” Matching Tea Party Dresses appeared first on Sassy Plum.

Here we are again, showing up at the city’s largest, most amazing all-white affair! Diner en Blanc Chicago always makes the exclusive invitees fashionably caravan to a special meeting spot in the city to do a flash-mob dining event more grand than any upscale restaurant! Thousands of people are lead to a top-secret location where they dine in style, come dressed to the 9s and party the night away. And this year was no different!

I was grateful to have a fabulous time with my mama friends. Check out my pics!

The post Diner en Blanc Chicago 2018: Moms Taking Over! appeared first on Sassy Plum.

Sassy Plum out on the town! As wine connoisseurs, we knew this was the perfect event for us! Fellow SP blogger Kim and I decided to paint the town red…..with red wine that is! We stopped by Wine Riot at Revel Fulton Market for 2.5 hours of unlimited wine-sampling! All you can drink…. kind of like a wine buffet! Vendors packed the room to showcase their delicious whites and decadent reds as the guests floated from booth to booth sampling bottle after bottle after bottle!

First stop, selfies in front of the Wine Riot lights!

Next we decorated our very own wine glasses at the arts & crafts table.All set and ready to mingle, we entered the venue and couldn’t decide where to even begin!

So…. we just dove right in.

The vendors were amazing and educated us on their different wine flavors.

Oh look, our bae, Cooper’s Hawk came to party!!!

The marketing pulled us in…

Did someone say free trinkets? Well aren’t these cute!!

We enjoyed our day on the town. Cheers!

Check to see if Wine Riot is coming to a city near you!

The post Sassy Plum Visits “Wine Riot” To Taste Vino From Around The World appeared first on Sassy Plum.

The air is cooler, the leaves are falling, the wardrobes are changing. What better time for an autumn photo shoot with some amazing pink fur? Like most of her ensembles, this one is no different. Both the pink patterned dress and the pink and green bomber jacket are from H&M, our favorite store. Check out the photo shoot below!

The post Tiny Tot Tuesdays: Fall, Fun and Faux Fur! appeared first on Sassy Plum.

“Will you be my friend? Circle one: yes, no, maybe so.” As children, the friend game was so easy. I remember starting 3rd grade at a new school, in a new city, and during the first week, a classmate I did not know came up to me and said “do you want to be my best friend?” I responded, “Sure!” And we walked away holding hands. You’d be surprised to know that 3rd grade simplicity can actually work on adults too, because the basic need for real friendships never really goes away.

I know I know. I get that as adults, everything is more complicated. We are older. We have kids and careers. We are too busy. We don’t have time for games. Friendships require too much work. Blah Blah. But the truth is, many of us want and need new friends. Although we don’t always admit it, have no idea where to get new friends, or how to ask for friendship when we do meet new people, the basic need doesn’t go away.

Not to mention, admitting that we are lonely, bored, or looking to meet a new friend can seem weird, desperate and taboo…. UNTIL you realize you aren’t alone and that more than half of us are looking for the same thing. So…..if so many of us are in the market for fresh faces to hang out with, chat it up with, or even confide in, why is it so hard to actually link up? It’s actually not.

You are NEVER too old to start a new friendship. Whether you are fresh out of college, a busy parent with a lacking social life, or a middle-aged adult looking for a companion, know that you are always eligible for new friendships.

How to make new friends as an adult: it’s kind of like dating….except it’s not.

1. Admit that you want new friends. At least to yourself. Tell yourself you want to meet people and enhance your life with new relationships. You will start seeing new people in everything you do. At the grocery store, through a mutual friend, via some random encounter with a stranger that makes you laugh. New friends are everywhere, you just have to notice them.

2. Be Social. Join groups online or offline. Facebook has groups for all interest types. There are online mom groups. Groups for knitting. Groups for people that have tiny dogs. People are quite sociable in small, online communities and it’s not as taboo to make new friends in like-minded spaces. Also, join local organizations, volunteer, serve. Working on small committees is a great way to build friendships while doing something productive. Plus, it’s a common way to find similar individuals. Introduce yourself. Initiate conversations. Seek out others that seem friendly and receptive.

3. Bring something to the table. One of the easiest ways to meet someone is to come bearing gifts….yourself, that is, because you have so much to offer! Offer advice. Extend a hand. Be relatable. Make a referral. Be a giver!

4. Offer good conversation. Figure out what you have in common, what you both like, who you both may know. Talk about things you both find interesting. And be interesting, put forth an effort to be engaging. Share, open up, tell a funny story.

5. Be nice. Of course be YOU first, but you can attract more friends with honey than vinegar. Let others know that you make a good friend and that you’re an awesome companion.

6. Be available. If we are too busy for friendships, that means we have allowed our other interests and commitments to take over our lives. The truth is, we can always make time for the things we want and need. Put a friend-date on your calendar. Find a local outing and purchase tickets in advance. Have a standing meet-up at a nearby coffee shop. Add “nurture friendships” to your list of commitments.

7. Don’t be overbearing. Be pleasantly assertive, but relax and have fun!  Allow the friendship to organically blossom on it’s own so both people are comfortable and want it to be long-lasting. After-all, those are the best ones anyway.

8. Don’t ditch your old friends. Just like having multiple children, there is always more room for new people. “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.”

9. Just Ask. It’s easier than you think, and it’s a good chance the other person will be interested as well! Now that I’m completely over insecurities and awkwardness, I revert to my 3rd grade self and just plain out ask people “hey, do you want to be my friend?” They smile and say “sure!” Because chances are, they were looking for a friend too! It works, believe me.

10. Be a good friend. Friendships should be reciprocal. They are about give and take. Check in with them periodically. Let them know when you think of them. If you come across something that will make them laugh, send it to them. Remind them you are there for them. And last but not least, be available.

Share this post if you could use some new friends in your life!

The post “Will You Be My Friend?” How To Make New Friends As An Adult appeared first on Sassy Plum.

If you’ve never eaten out alone before, get your entire hungry life together and try it!

Okay, so a lot of women don’t want to go out alone because they think they won’t enjoy it. Or they think people will judge them for being out alone. It may be true, the host/hostess may look at you funny when you say “party of one.” I’ve had a couple awkward exchanges myself when I’ve had to reiterate, “yesssss, I’m alone!” But I promise you’ll get over that awkwardness soon enough and experience the heavenly bliss that follows when you eat out alone!

Upgrade your life!

10 Reasons to eat out alone:

1. You can sit at the bar. No line, no waiting! Without a large party or crumb-snatchers in tow, you can walk right into premium seating without having to wait for that mundane, boring booth in the regular dining area. You can actually sit at the bar with all your other random peers that have found the heavenly bliss of eating alone. Bars are more entertaining anyway. There are TVs and the service is waaay quicker!

2. No phone rules! You can be on your phone, the entire time, with no judgement. You don’t have to worry about being rude or anyone saying “can you please get off our phone!” Whenever I’m out alone I end up text-stalking all my friends, because I finally have the time. I also make up for lost time on Facebook and Instagram, liking every post I that comes down my timeline because I’m so happy to be out alone!

3. You don’t have to talk. To any freaking body! You can actually sit in silence and hear your own thoughts. It’s nice just sitting alone and not having to muster up any conversation, or debate with the kids about eating unwanted spaghetti. The only person you have to talk to is your server.

4. You can actually eat instead of dealing with the kids. I know I’m not the only one tired of cutting up pancakes and chicken fingers that no one is going to eat anyway. I secretely yearn to be selfish and cut straight to my own food. Can I eat it hot for once? It’s so wonderful to just eat in peace and not have to worry about nan other person at the table!

5. You can stay as long as you like. One thing about being out alone is that you can eat as much as you want in peace, keep the rounds going without any annoying interruptions, and stay as long as you like! Whenever I have my kids with me, I’m desperately trying to escape the hell of being stuck in a restaurant with tantrumy children who are wasting my money by not eating anything. Plus, they always need something that requires energy from me. Most of the time I end up in the bathroom waiting on some kid to finish pooping while my food is getting cold.

6. You can people-watch. One of the most interesting things about eating out alone is watching all the craziest around you! Paying attention to everyone around you and observing behavior can be absolutely fascinating and very entertaining!

7. You can catch up on random things. Facebook posts. Instagram pics. Video clips. Save funny memes. Your resume. You can read a random article and respond to old text messages you’ve abandoned over time. Or, it’s a great time to read an actual magazine or finish a book. Or….you can simply stare off into space and get lost in your own imagination.

8.  The bill is cheaper. When you eat with a whole family and order drinks, that bill can be ridiculous! All those uneaten chicken finger and youth macaroni dishes add up to inexplicable annoyance. One way to save some cash is to go it alone! Your budget is just you and your order.

9. You can make conversation with random people. Being out by yourself means that you can actually talk to other people. Ever have a conversation with a bar-tender? I promise it will change your life.

10. You can get some much-deserved “me-time.” If you are like most busy adults, you are lagging behind in the self-care department. Well this is your chance to not worry about anyone but yo-self!

So here is your challenge…I dare you to eat out alone and experience what the rest of us have already figured out!

You’re welcome!

The post I Double-Dare You To Eat Out Alone. It’s Life-Changing! appeared first on Sassy Plum.

I am a black woman who was raised in a black household. (If you are wondering why I am calling myself black rather than African-American, check this out.)

Last weekend I was out with some friends and struck up a conversation with a stranger who was black. Somehow we started talking about our kids and he mentioned that his girls are only allowed to play with black dolls. His daughter asked for a Moana doll, making the argument that she is brown. His reply was “not our kind of brown.” The conversation moved on from there but that point stuck with me.

The “black doll/white doll” discussion has historical significance.

The Doll Test was first documented as the Clark Doll Experiment in 1939. This was when over 100 school age children were asked a series of questions about two dolls who looked exactly the same with the exception of their skin color. The black kids often selected the “white” doll as better in many ways.

Some of the questions were:

“Show me the doll that you like best or that you would like to play with.

Show me the doll that is the ‘nice’ doll.

Show me the doll that looks ‘bad.’”

Kenneth and Mamie Clark were African American psychologists who studied these behavioral habits in children and testified as expert witnesses in one of the five Brown v Board of Education cases, stating:

“To separate them from others of similar age and qualifications solely because of their race generates a feeling of inferiority as to their status in the community that may affect their hearts and minds in a way unlikely to ever be undone.”

Fast forward to when I was a kid in the 80s. Most of my dolls were white with long straight hair. I know it was a matter of availability rather than choice, though, because whenever my mom stumbled across a doll with any degree of artificial melanin, she bought it. No holiday or birthday required. I do remember having a hair complex, annoyed that my own hair didn’t hang or move with my head like my dolls’ did.

And all of my dolls got Luster Pink Oil applied to their heads during styling.

Finding black and brown dolls these days is significantly easier. This one is on Amazon.

I went to school with a very diverse crowd. Well, a mostly White, some South and East Asian, and a small cohort of Black crowd. My school was small. Even amongst the White people, there were a lot of countries or origin and diverse heritage. I remember these girls doing traditional Irish dancing and people bringing foods from around the world. People were also from various socioeconomic status, but most of my classmates were from upper middle class household.

The significance of that is that I didn’t grow up with a large Us vs Them complex. I expected people to know me for who I was was, not what I was. I was not “a black girl.” I was me. While that early childhood experience was a sort of bubble, I am quite sure that being presented by a “black” doll and “white” doll would have resulted in me saying something like- “Tell me more about the dolls. Where are they from? What are their interests? Then I can tell you who I like more.”

I then had the experience of going to an HBCU for college. That black experiencein college was something super cool. Most of my classmates were African American from all over the country who were seeking a higher education. Coming from a very diverse microcosm that was my elementary and high school experience, this all-black world was something I had never experienced outside of my own home. It was fun and full of character, but it did NOT MAKE ME want to do one thing.

I DON’T want to live in Wakanda Forever.

People aren’t a monolith. People are all different, shaped by their different heritage, family and social life and experiences. That’s what makes us individuals. I wouldn’t want to live in a society were everyone was the same. Diversity in society is just as important to me as knowing people with similar backgrounds. That’s what makes life interesting.v

I think the benefit of living in a Wakanda all-black Eutopian society only exists because in THEORY it is free of racism and judgement. Ironically, many have postulated that Wakandans would NOT except African Americans in the same way as they welcome their own, so there goes that theory. While there is power and pride in representation, representation does not equal exclusion.

Back to the doll thing.

I don’t want my children to have only black dolls.

I also don’t want them to have only white dolls. I want them to have a diverse array of dolls. Let’s talk about Moana and where she is from. Cultural competency starts at an early age. Understanding that my black children aren’t inferior is just as important as understanding that people exist with various appearances and from various backgrounds all around the world and right here in our city.

My daughter loves her new coloring book though:

Thanks for reading!

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