Jordyn is putting her Christmas gifts to good use! She was headed to church when we decided to take a few photos. She is rocking her pink fur coat from The Gap and her brown boot wedges from DSW. The matching pink purse was donated from a friend this past weekend and she hasn’t put it down yet! Check out the pics from our impromptu photo shoot! 
Thanks for reading!
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In this week’s edition of parenting news, I give you the skinny on the must-have album nominated for a kid’s music Grammy and we take a look at how the sexual assault charages against former US Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar are impacting parents. Yet another study shows that kids need to avoid screens before bed. And, oh, and there are recalls for VTech items, so check your shelves.
Grammys for Kids Music
Did you know that Grammy awards also go to children’s music? For the 2018 Grammy Awards, the top winner was Lisa Loeb, with her stunning Feel What U Feel. But the album that I think you should download or buy today for yourself, I mean for your kids, is by South Africa’s Ladysmith Black Mambazo and is named Songs Of Peace & Love For Kids & Parents Around The World.
The album is musically intriguing, harmonically beautiful and chock full of morals that no one can argue with. The intro, for example, is all about sitting down and making peace with people if you are angry. The first song is Ayhlalephansi, or Sit down and Make Peace. The second cut off the album is “All Women Are Beautiful.” Who can argue with that? And of course I absolutely love their take on Old MacDonald, but Zulu style of course.
For those familiar with South African music and cadences, the album is lovingly familiar with its choral emphasis and arrangements. Church folk will see the similarities between popular Black American spiritual music and the pieces that Ladysmith sings. For those unfamiliar, this is a great introduction to the world of world music, plus the messages are positive and spiritually upbeat. Great for kids. Your littlest ones will march around the room throwing their hands in the air. Your bigger ones might find something a little deeper as they listen.
My kids listen to a large variety of music and Ladysmith Black Mambazo certainly rounds out their education. Bonus, there are absolutely no curse words or crass circumstances (Hello! Children’s music!) so you can leave it on and let it play. Thank goodness.
Here are the Grammy 2018 nominees for Best Children’s Music. The winner is noted in bold.
What We All Have Learned from the 260 Young Women and Girls Sexually Abused by Team USA Gymnastics Doctor Larry Nassar
(Note: This portion of this week’s news roundup contains graphic descriptions of sexual abuse that might offend you or be painful to you if you are a survivor of sexual assault. Sassyplum agrees, however, that it is necessary to report this information as a warning and a reminder of what comprises sexual abuse.)
Feelings…
#MeToo pic.twitter.com/ICiu0FCa0n
— Simone Biles (@Simone_Biles) January 15, 2018
Sleep, Screen Time and Healthy Weight
Yet another study has found that kids who stay on their cell phones, tablets or computers before bed get less sleep and gain more weight. Those are the basic findings of a study conducted by Penn State’s College of Medicine. These findings add to the plethora of information that suggests that better sleep can be attained by turning off electronic devices at least an hour before bed.
According to Science Daily:
Caitlyn Fuller, medical student, said the results — published in the journal Global Pediatric Health — may suggest a vicious cycle of technology use, poor sleep and rising BMIs.
“We saw technology before bed being associated with less sleep and higher BMIs,” Fuller said. “We also saw this technology use being associated with more fatigue in the morning, which circling back, is another risk factor for higher BMIs. So we’re seeing a loop pattern forming.”
VTech Recalls Dangerous Baby Products: Check Your Shelves
Everybody’s favorite smart baby toy maker has recalled 280,000 rattles and 37,000 crib mobiles. The 280,000 rattles affected feature model number 80-184800 and the number 1848 is printed on the back of the rattle adjacent to the battery door. You might have bought them at Walmart, Kmart, Meijer, Mills Fleet Farm, Seventh Avenue, Amazon.com and zulily.com between November 2015 through November 2017 for about $8.
About 37,000 mobiles sold in the U.S. and 4,800 sold in Canada were recalled due to reports of the clamp that attaches the mobile to the crib rail breaking, leading the mobile to fall. Naturally, this poses an injury hazard to an baby or toddler in a crib. The model numbers for those are 80-503000 (blue) and 80-503050 (pink). The items were sold at Kmart, Walmart, Amazon.com and zulily.com between February 2017 through November 2017 for about $25.
VTech is offering a full refund for both the rattles (recall number 18-083) and the mobiles (recall number 18-084). You can contact VTech at 800-521-2010 from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday or online at vtechkids.com.
H/T CPSC for the info.
Quick Hits
Here We Are, the NYT-bestselling book by Oliver Jeffers, is a must-read. Please buy it for yourself and for your kid. It’s lovely. (And as the daughter of a head librarian for a major city school system, I have really good training and insights into what makes for a stellar children’s book. This is THE book for birthday presents for new parents this year. Trust me.)
16 More Children Succumb To The Flu
It’s getting so serious that some parents are cancelling birthday parties. Depending upon how your city is dealing with the epidemic that might not be a bad idea. The flu situation is not pretty and the season’s peak is yet to come. Take precautions, whatever they may be. Whatever you do, vaccine shaming (or not) is a parenting group no-no.
Want more Parenting News? Read here.
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There are girlfriends, and then there are mama friends who just get it on a whole “nother” level!
If you’re a mom, the chances are really high that you have a least one mama friend that:
Many of our closest mom friends are many of these wrapped in one!
Tag a mom if you can relate!
Photo credit Dr. Kiarra King
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Screen-time consists of watching television, using a computer, tablet, cell phone or video game. In our technologically-advanced society, it’s popular to use one or more of these gadgets daily. Let’s be real, some of us use several at the same time! But I digress.
Anyway, many parents introduce electronic gadgets to their children as a means of education and entertainment. There are high-quality cartoons, websites, programs, and apps where babies as young as 18 months can learn basic preschool concepts. The unlimited wealth of information grows from there. While we desire technically-literate children in our evolving society and aim to support any future software engineers we might be raising, we must also be mindful of overusing screen-time.
Is there such a thing as “too much” screen-time? There is growing research that supports how the overuse of screens is harmful to children. The most common health issues related to too much screen time include vision problems, loss of social skills, obesity, sleep deprivation, aggressiveness and addiction to screens. Shortened attention spans and difficulty focusing is also attributed to the overuse of screens in school-aged children. To find a better screen time balance for you family, visit the AAP’s online tool and create a media plan for your children that provides clear, consistent guidelines on how you want media to be used in your household.
Now that we have identified why a balance of screen time is important, it’s time to provide fun alternatives for when the screens are off.
May a healthy screen-time balance be yours always.
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This week’s parenting news takes a look at the new Kardashian-Jenner baby name, a Girl Scout who sells cookies over by the weed house and why you should watch Olympics with your kids. Also, Facebook Messenger has an app for kids and beware the flu times two.
Talk about smart! This little girl sold 300 boxes of Girl Scout cookies by setting up shop outside a place that sells weed. Perfect timing for the pre-munchies! She sold the cookies in three hours flat. Now, she might have violated some Scouting rules by selling in this manner but, are we really mad at her for this?
She had the cookies in a wagon and patrolled the doors. This was at a dispensary named Urbn Leaf in San Diego, of course. Peep the IG post below.
Get your popcorn ready, the 2018 Winter Olympics are here! Starting tonight, Feb. 9, you can watch the opening ceremony with your children. This is a superior opportunity to expose the kids to different cultures, and to work with them on identifying the flags of every nation in the world. To prep for this moment, my son’s kindergarten class has been coloring flags from a number of nations, though this last week they have focused on South and Central America. It has provided an excellent opportunity to talk about where our friends, family and teachers come from. Also, this year’s AFAM contingent to the U.S. team is pretty striking. Prep yourself for family discussion on diversity at the Olympics by reading this piece at Think Progress.
Here are my top 5 sports to watch with kids.
Did you already make it past Flu strain A? Great! Now get ready for B and everything else. You can get it twice. Docs still recommend the flu shot, but again, totally up to you if you choose to do so. Or not. Most important is to watch the kids because flu symptoms can sneak up on you. Folks with asthma, cystic fibrosis and other immune issues should be extra, extra, super duper careful. Mine have asthma, so I was checking on their breathing every hour at the worst of the fevers – even overnight.
This New York Times piece offers solid advice on how to know when to take that baby or toddler to the hospital. Trust your mom gut. Trust your dad gut. We are always right.
Arkansas has been hit particularly bad by the flu season. Yall alright out there?
Nothing can stop the flu, but many moms swear by boosting the immune system with the following fresh foods:
North, Saint and Chicago have a new first cousin, Stormi
Kylie Jenner finally had her baby, Stormi. One of the youngest of the Kardashian clan, a lot of people thought she was big sister Kim Kardashian’s surrogate but they were wrong. Jenner, in an IG post, said she didn’t prance about during pregnancy because she finally wanted to keep something to herself. She also said she didn’t want to stress out her baby. No matter what you think of the Jenner-Kardashian family, not stressing out the baby in utero is always a great idea.
Did you know that Facebook has a Messenger Kids App? Well, not everyone is happy about that
Parents are in a tizzy that Mark Zuckerburg is targeting kids under 13 via this kids messenger app. Facebook, however, says that the app is totally controlled by parents and that all GIFs are age appropriate. Also, messages can’t be hidden or deleted and the kids can only message folks that the parents approve of. If you have thoughts on this, chime in on our Facebook page.
Want more news? Read here.
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In this week’s parenting news roundup, we look at a controversial Washington Post essay about treating phobias in an autistic child, pregnant women who smoke, the Georgia teacher who shot a gun in school and why it costs $233,610 to raise a kid.
We can safely assume the Obamas can afford two kids, but can you?
Every year the US Department of Agriculture puts out a study looking at the costs of raising a child from birth to 17. This year’s costs put the total price at $233,610 over the course of childhood; it does not include college.
For a middle-class family with two children, that’s roughly between $12,350 and $14,000 a year, on average, to raise each child. How do these numbers square up with your budget? For some parents who pay for daycare, preschool or elementary school, that budget is eaten up by school tuition and fees alone.
In fact, Time magazine found this:
Nationally, the average cost for a week at a child care center, for one child, totaled $196. An after-school sitter set the average family back $214 for 15 hours of work a week. And hiring a nanny topped $556 a week.
Despite these costs, parents seem to make do. People are still having babies, so apparently, this cost is one that we all are willing to bear.
That said, head to our Facebook Group to tell us all about your cost-saving tips for raising a family.
At least one parent thinks that forcing her son inside of a stadium to watch a live show is an effective way to help him get over his fear of being inside. The essay, which is a personal opinion piece that ran in February in the Washington Post, garnered a number of criticisms from parents of autistic children.
This is, in part, what the writer said:
“What I did to help my 5-year-old autistic son overcome his intense fear of indoor spaces might not have been right or even safe. Doctors didn’t recommend it. The people who witnessed it were appalled, understandably. I don’t suggest this for others.
I could have been more patient with conventional methods, but I wasn’t. I am not certified in restraining children, though doctors say anyone attempting what I did should be. They would also recommend a much slower approach.
I am writing this because I hope to educate people about the burden families face when their autistic children have tantrums in public spaces, so next time you witness such a struggle you don’t immediately resort to blaming the parents. I’m also reaching out to fellow parents in pain to remind them to cast off shame, because I believe nothing is more important than getting your autistic children out into the world.”
Social media exploded with criticism for the writer, who also penned a book on raising an autistic child. Here’s one tweet:
This is horrible. And written by another parent of an autistic child who wrote a book about how much she hates her son.
The Washington Post: Bystanders were horrified. But my son has autism, and I was desperate. https://t.co/7v3ksQNSsw
— Kristin Rawls (@kristinrawls) February 28, 2018
Autistic kids often unfairly get a bad rap. Did this mom’s actions help or harm? Let SassyPlum know.
Moms are still smoking while pregnant, says a newly released report by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC.) And while we all know – and are taught – that smoking while pregnant is a bad thing for baby, it turns out that a number of women do it anyway; nearly one in 14 or around 7.2%, in fact.
The findings, as expected, varied from state to state, but pregnant people aged 20 to 24 were most likely to light up. The next most likely to smoke group was girls aged 15 to 19 and then women between 25 and 29. The information comes from a study conducted in 2016 with the results released in spring of 2018.
More deets: Expectant moms with a master’s degree or higher were less likely to smoke cigs and the majority of pregnant smokers (12.2 percent) had only attained a high school education.
What could happen to a fetus if mom smokes? It puts baby at risk for certain birth defects, or (among other things) it can cause a baby to be born too early or to have low birth weight.
Missed us last week or the week before? Check here for more parenting news.
* Thanks for reading This Week in Parenting News. Just so you know, the writer who pulls this together is a trained, old-school journalist who vets every story to be sure that it is true and not fake news. All facts are corroborated by several sources and linked so you can do your own research.
Short Takes
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By Tiese Williams.
Do you want to foster but are having doubts? Yes, the process may make you want to pull your hair out! But don’t fret! I’ve fostered nearly 20 children over the last four years and I will teach you what I know!
Because I’m telling you in advance. A foster parent has to deal with the Department of Children and Families, attorneys, Judges, your foster agency, therapists, doctors, and guardians ad litem. Each child in foster care comes with a whole host of people that must work hard to move their case “in the best interests of the child.”
“The reality is, many of the workers in this field are overworked and underpaid and some have lost their passion along the way!” -Tiese
Although each child is inherently important, they are often treated as another number, another case due to the weight of the entire system. Whether their recommendations for the child are actually in the child’s best interest is a conversation for another day, but I digress. I recommend that you have patience, persistence, and optimism. Remember that you are fighting for a child, you are their advocate. And any good fight comes with a price. As foster parents, we willingly and dutifully pay that price as a token of our commitment.
Now, let’s dive in!
It is not easy to become a foster parent. There is a lot of paperwork that must be completed in order for the licensing foster agency to determine that you have a safe and loving home that will meet a child’s needs. A potential foster parent must attend required training sessions, provide personal/employer/medical references, consent to a criminal background check, and prove they are financially able to meet their household needs. In addition, a potential foster parent must have proper space in the home to accommodate the children, and they must allow for an in-depth “home study,” as well as pass a home health inspection.
Be aware! Know your responsibilities as a foster parent. You will be able to make many decisions on their behalf; however, inquire with the caseworker as to what you can and cannot do consistent with each child’s case plan.
Be an advocate. Learn what your child’s needs are, so that you may have an enormous impact on their development and well-being.
Document everything! Remember the child has a biological family and the biological family is entitled to knowing how the child is doing.
Stay organized. Keep a copy of everything, including all notes, doctors’ visit printouts, daycare incident reports, medication paperwork, etc., in one safe place.
Use a calendar in order to keep track of visitation with the biological family, doctors’ appointments, monthly visits from the caseworker and guardian ad litem, and any other important dates. A calendar will help you easily refer back to dates on paperwork.
Be a good partner. Maintain a good working relationship with the child’s caseworker and guardian ad litem, as they will need updates with regard to the child’s well-being, any upcoming appointments, and coordination of visits with the biological family. The caseworker and guardian ad litem will also visit the home on a monthly basis and you want to ensure they give you appropriate notice (especially working parents!)
Attend court appointments if able, as you will learn firsthand about the progress towards reunification and will not need to rely on the caseworker or guardian ad litem to pass along the information.
Make friends with fellow foster parents! They can share best practices, resources, and contacts within the Department of Children and Families, and they will be a shoulder to cry (vent) on!
The child in foster care likely has a biological family that loves and misses them very much. Although a parent or family may fall on hard times, nothing can change the love a biological parent has for their child. Despite their barriers and troubles, they love their child and are grief-stricken about them being taken away. They are willing to show resistance to any and everyone.
“As a foster parent, you are part of the “system” in the eyes of the biological family.” -Tiese
No matter how hard you may try to keep a cordial and open relationship with the biological family, they will challenge your motives. Who can blame them? In worst-case scenarios, the biological family may even label the foster parent as their enemy, the cause of their child being in the system, and they may threaten the foster family or lie about them. Be empathetic to their perspective. Be patient. As a parent myself, I hear their love in the fight and don’t really blame them. However, I stay focused on what is best for the child.
Give feedback about how the child is doing to the caseworker and guardian ad litem, so that they may relay the information to the biological family.
Maintain a relationship with the biological family in order to support the reunification process. If you are comfortable doing so, allow phone calls, texts and/or e-mails.
Keep everyone abreast. Advise the biological family and/or the caseworker and guardian ad litem of all upcoming appointments in order for the biological family to have an opportunity to attend.
Be social! If you have an amicable relationship with the biological family, and the Court order allows, invite them for a play date or to a birthday party.
Keep lines of communication open. Maintain an environment at home in which the child feels safe talking openly about their biological family. Remain positive in your conversations with the child and avoid placing blame on anyone.
Send pictures of the child to the biological family. If you are comfortable doing so, send pictures of your family too in order to convey to the biological family that the child is safe and loved.
Keep in touch. Encourage the child to write letters to their biological family if they are old enough to do so and only if it would not cause a harmful emotional response.
If I ever share that I am a foster parent, the most common question that I get is “how do you not get attached?” The person usually says, “I could not do it because I would get too attached.” I am here to tell you that we DO get attached!
“We get deeply attached. We take care of these children like our own. We give and receive kisses and hugs and exchange ‘I love yous’ and spend a lot of time with them. Our children bond with them, too, and are proud to call them their siblings.” -Tiese
The hardest part of being a foster parent is saying goodbye. Each child leaves a permanent imprint on your heart and you will mourn the loss of their love and your ability to be in their life. But you have to find a way to work through the emotions, knowing that you did your part and made an impact.
It’s not about you! Remember that it’s about the child and what is best for them.
Remember that fostering is temporary. Be aware that every child that enters your home will likely reunify with their family.
Love the child with all your heart despite knowing that they might reunify with their biological families. They are part of your family for now, so live in the moment and create loving, fun memories!
Support the reunification process by maintaining a relationship with the biological family. Always keep the lines of communication open.
Prepare to separate and don’t be blindsided. Remind the caseworkers, guardians ad litem, and anyone else involved in your child’s case to keep you informed of the progress towards reunification so there will be no surprises.
Grieve! Allow yourself to grieve when the child leaves and reunifies. You may feel sadness, guilt, emptiness, worry, and selfishness, and that is okay. Reach out to those closest to you for comfort. Pray. Cry. Take it one day at a time.
Ask to stay in touch. Ask the family if you and your family may keep in touch after reunification.
Take comfort in knowing that you have had a great impact on the child’s development, social and emotional well-being, and their ability to form secure attachments.
The paperwork, dealing with the family, and saying goodbye is indeed stressful!
But!
You signed up for it and it is worth it! Trust me when I say foster parents have to remind themselves of how much it is worth it when the going gets tough. Knowing it is worth it is sometimes the only thing that gives us strength to keep going.
This leads me into how fostering changed my life for the better. I have hugged children tightly and could feel the weight of all their pain on their shoulders, yet feel the trust that they have in me to heal it. I have witnessed trauma turn into strength. I have told children I love them and could see from their reaction that it was the very first time they ever heard it. I have read books to wide-eyed children who were fascinated at an imaginative perspective.
Biological mothers and fathers have sincerely thanked me for taking care of their child, and I have had the opportunity to say no, thank YOU. I thanked them for bringing their wonderful child into this world and for caring so much to fight to get them back despite their struggles. I have seen my children’s hearts grow to love perfect strangers and happily share their home.
The best of all? I adopted my daughter, who was in the foster care system for over two years, on June 21, 2016. We are now a forever family, and all of the stress that comes along with fostering was indeed worth it.
Written By: Tiese Williams
Also by this contributor: “Being a Foster Parent is My Passion, My Purpose, My Life”
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I recently posted about an amazing day party with some mom friends (check out my blog 1MommyMD)! I needed to circle back to discuss the details of my look. When I think “tea party” I think of fascinators so I created my own headpiece by combining a unique printed wrap and a black clip on birdcage.. 
Shop the look:
Reformed School Bow Tie here, here or here
As always thanks for following and be well!
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“Spoil yourself, that’s important.” -Kanye. It seems like moms always get the short end of the stick, don’t we? What do we spend our money on? Groceries, field trips, kids’ clothes, field trips, kids’ clothes, and more freakin groceries. Do we ever think about ourselves? Is there even any money left over for us mamas at the end of the day? Have you ever just been selfish and focused on yourself? If you answered NO to any of these questions, it’s time for a mommy-splurge makeover!
Now, some of you may be thinking that it would be totally irresponsible to splurge on yourself and that this idea is totally ridiculous. Blah. Blah. Blah. NO MORE EXCUSES! Let’s lay them all to rest and go and get our life, one sale at a time!
So now that you’ve agreed to splurge on yourself for once, what shall you do?
So now that you’ve been given permission to splurge on yourself, DO IT and report back!
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On an airplane, who is told to put on their oxygen mask first? The adult! Why? Because, if you pass out from lack of oxygen then both of you are screwed! Your child is depending on you to take care of yourself first. So that leads me to my point….I’m an effing person and I matter!
Yes, I said it! I, Joeysha, a wife, mother of two, daughter, sister, auntie, cousin, niece, friend, school volunteer, church secretary, whatever- yes me, I MATTER. Well I matter most to myself and I am working hard to teach my children…that I MATTER TO MYSELF! (Ok, I won’t yell that again. You’re welcome!)
As a mother, it can be very hard to tell yourself, let alone your child(ren) that you are a person, a person who matters. It can be equally as hard to treat yourself like you matter! Despite the potential difficulties, I advise you begin this journey of pouring into yourself. If you need some encouragement, I’m going to list my top reasons for why you should make yourself a priority. Keep in mind I’m no professional, just an amazing mom to exceptional 9 and 5 year olds and I protect myself fiercely!
1. For self-preservation! The only thing harder than protecting who you are is finding her, after you’ve allowed motherhood to rip her from you. Now I’m not saying that who you are won’t change and grow after you’ve become a mother. That’s normal. That’s life. That’s part of what we sign up for. However, you are a still a person, a person who matters. So, whoever this new you is, she needs you to protect and nurture her- all of her! That might require setting boundaries with your children- no you may not come into the bathroom, this is my chocolate and I will not share, I’m leaving you with your grandma and please don’t call me unless the house is on fire…I think you get where I’m going!
2. To make self-deposits! Have you ever been able to take money out of the ATM when you’ve made no deposits? (If your answer is yes, please email me to tell me your secrets!) The same applies for your person. Call on your spouse, parents, sister, bff, their godparents, your godparents, a super trusted friend to babysit…YES (sorry for yelling again, but this is important), you need to give your children away for a few hours or even a day or three to make those deposits. Sleep late, walk far, get a massage, watch a rated R movie with the volume turned up as loud as you like, meditate, workout, go to brunch, take a class, whatever it is that leaves you feeling like your best self…do it! You deserve the time to yourself, yes, even you working mommies. Some of my best memories are those spent with people other than my parents, permit your child great memories by leaving them behind!
3. To set an example! Your children are watching how you treat yourself, they will mimic that treatment. You are showing them how important you are as a human being, they will treat you accordingly. Have you ever witnessed a 20-something make decisions that negatively affect their parents with little to no concern for their parents? Ever wonder why children feel so entitled? Ever heard the parents of adult children admit that their children don’t have much regard for them as people? If you treat yourself poorly how can you expect for your children to treat you any better? If you never require your child to stop and consider you, what you need, how you feel, what makes you happy- how can you expect them to grow into considerate people?
4. To keep your sanity! Your mental health is greatly affected by how well you do or do not take care of yourself. A few days ago, I had a small breakdown, because I had spent 10 consecutive days with one or both of my children. You can judge me if you want to, but that is not healthy. When I write 10 days, I mean full days. No breaks. Every meeting, every errand, every moment, of every day. I had a nice little cry, adjusted my attitude and made plans to do something for myself and by myself the very next day! My mental health requires that I stay connected with Joeysha. To connect with her, I need to be alone with her!
If you are still reading, walk away knowing that you owe it to yourself to care for yourself well! You only get one you, do right by yourself- everyone in your life will be better off when you begin to treat yourself like you matter…because frankly you don’t just matter, you really matter MOST. (Ok, I yelled! You will survive.)
So mamas, put your oxygen masks on and take care of YOU!
By: Joeysha Dobbins
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The “Big Hair, Don’t Care” phrase has become a popular hashtag used by both men and women who proudly possess big, long locks of hair with a carefree attitude. The natural hair community owns this hashtag on social media and follows it up with photos of amazing big hair that appears to defy gravity.
While we are grateful and happy to embrace the opportunity to care for our big, luscious locks of hair, there are times when having big hair can be a real pain in the a$$! Allow me to share several big hair struggles and their solutions.
Struggle 1: Coat hood won’t fit? 
Solution: Opt for earmuffs and let the big hair keep your head warm.
Struggle 2: Shower caps just don’t cut it!
Solution: Plastic grocery bags to the rescue!
Struggle 3: Trying to detangle big hair.
Solution: Make sure you have the best detangler for your child’s hair type, because some need more oil and some need more slip (and ingredient that makes the hair slippery and easier to take apart). You want to saturate the hair and work from the tip to the roots. Never do this tired, rushed or frustrated. You will pull out so much hair! Set aside the time and bring your patience.
Struggle 4: Sectioning.
Solution : A good detangling session will make this so much easier because you can actually part through the hair when there are no knots in it. When it’s time to braid, twist or straighten and you realize the amount of hair that needs your attention, take a deep breath! You’re in it for the long haul. 
Struggle 5. “Wash day.” When you have big hair, “wash day” can make you want to run out and get a pixie cut.
Solution: Decide beforehand which day you’re going to give up because it can take an entire work day to get big hair washed, conditioned, and set! Get yo mind right!
Struggle 6: When your hair is not in a protective style and humidity hits.
Solution : Lift your chin, pull your shoulders back, add lip gloss and own that big hair!
Basically, anytime you need to do anything with big hair is when problems can occur. As you grow with your hair, patience and creativity will become your saving grace.
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Birth plans are all the rage in pregnancy in the last five to seven years. Every app, every mommy website, every natural birth instructional anything contains mention of and often a template for a birth plan. In this post I will answer the following questions:
Well, a birth plan is essentially a written guide crafted by the mother that lists her requests for her labor management and delivery. Sometimes it contains lists of medications that are requested and ones to avoid. Sometimes it contains requests for who will participate in the labor and delivery- Attending physician versus midwife versus resident versus medical student etc. Sometimes it contains statements like this:
I do not want a C-section.
The answer is simply two words: Vaginal Delivery. A birth plan is like a recipe for the best Thanksgiving dinner delivery. Most people want their baby to come out of their vagina as healthy as possible. At the end of the day, they want an uneventful vaginal delivery. If you get the ingredients just right, that baked macaroni and cheese delivery will be amazing. Right? 
BIRTH PLAN FOR MY PERFECT DELIVERY
No induction.
No pain medication.
No IV fluids.
No Pitocin.
No breaking the bag of water.
No C-section. No C-section. No C-section.
GLOWING VAGINAL DELIVERY
These are common components of birth plans, large and small. It is technology’s fault that vaginal deliveries don’t always happen. It is because we doctors want to rush ladies through the labor process and have a baby before our own dinner time. If we doctors would let labor happen on its own, with minimal intervention, there would be less C-sections. Right? Wrong. I have no incentive to rush your labor. I am not motivated during your labor by any other goal than to get you and baby through labor and delivery unscathed.
Picture this: You need to get from one end of the country to the other. You have never traveled outside in the elements before. You can’t drive and the only map you have is one drawn by a friend or acquaintance who once traveled a long distance on foot in the past. The only difference is that they started from a different place and had a different destination than you. Some had luggage, some didn’t. Some exercised, some didn’t. Some traveled in the summer. Some traveled in the winter. Some traveled over mountains. Some over flat land. Some traveled 2 miles, and some traveled 20 miles.
In my analogy, the distance represents the labor course. I’ve cared for women who were in labor for 5 hours and women who were in labor for 5 days. The luggage represents not only the woman’s weight, which can matter in labor, but also the size and shape of her pelvis. How easy or hard is it for this baby to make it through the pelvis? The season and weather can represent the baby’s well being, which is very unpredictable, variable and can change in an instant without warning. The prosthetic leg represents the different circumstances that make us each unique. Maybe this woman has fibroids. Another woman has had surgery on her cervix. Another has severe back pain resulting from a slipped disc. They are all different, and because of this, the labor course is unlikely to be the same.
Where do I, the OB/GYN, fit into the mix of this analogy? Well, rather than being guided by a person or people who have traveled a hand full of times over limited terrain and have drawn you a picture, consider me an in-person hiking guide who has made thousands of trips over variable terrain in every season in every storm. Who do you want as your guide?
In places and countries where interventions are not available, there may be less C-sections, but there are more complications. In the United States, one of the biggest risks for a woman in labor is hemorrhage or excessive blood loss. A working IV is essential to be able to give fluids during labor for baby’s safety, but also to slow the effects and allow intervention during hemorrhage. While a person is bleeding excessively, this is the WORST time to try to start an IV (the veins practically disappear) or to find out that an IV that does not have fluid flowing through it is not working or had clotted shut. In my hospital, you can still walk and be mobile with an IV. It is like a labor seatbelt.
Likewise, monitoring the baby’s heart beat ensures that you and baby are getting through labor safely. Some desire to not have their babies monitored because they don’t want interventions as a result of monitoring. Keep in mind, if the baby looks healthy and safe, interventions aren’t necessary. If the baby looks like they aren’t getting enough oxygen based on the heart rate, this may lead to intervention, but you would want that intervention. In that moment, the safety of you and baby is more important than the route you take on you cross-country trek.
Pregnant trimesterSome things that a woman can do to increase her chance of having a vaginal delivery are to exercise before and during the pregnancy, to try to be at a healthy, non-obese body weight at the beginning of the pregnancy, to keep diabetes and high blood pressure under good control if present, and to deliver before 2 weeks past the due date. These are just a few examples.
Some factors that are relatively out of the mother and doctor’s control are the baby’s ability to tolerate labor, the size and shape of a woman’s pelvis, the size of the baby (sometimes it is just genetic) and the baby’s position. I am actually writing a post about some factors that may increase breech or head up positioning at term (the due date) and some ways to encourage normal positioning. Stay tuned for that.
Most people can walk a short distance. A few blocks or even a mile or two on foot on a mild spring day could literally be a walk in the park. But what if your destination is a little farther. What if you unexpectedly have two suitcases, you are wearing high heels, and your grandma who gets short of breath when she walks is with you? In a blizzard? How are you going to get to your destination in one piece with all of your stuff and your grandma? That’s what your guide is for.
So what SHOULD you put on your birth plan? At my hospital most of these items are automatic, but just in case, here are some suggestions for a term (not premature) pregnancy:
While these are not the only items that can go on a birth plan, notice that these few suggestions do not include labor management. You have to trust that your doctor is making appropriate decisions with and for you and your baby’s safety. If you aren’t clear about the reasons things are happening during the management of your labor, ask for explanations from the nurse and/or doctor.
… means that we – the doctor and the patient – discuss the management, including, risks, benefits and alternatives of the various options and together come to a mutually agreed upon decision. This will continue to foster trust and allow the labor process to take place with low risk for complications and with clear expectations.
My birth plan as your doctor: To get you and baby through your delivery as safely as possible, with as little intervention as is necessary, but as SAFELY AS POSSIBLE. Try this:
In pregnancy, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change,
The KNOWLEDGE and MOTIVATION to change the things that can increase my chances for having my dream delivery,
The PEACE and UNDERSTANDING that my healthcare providers have the best interests of myself and my baby at heart,
And the WISDOM to know the DIFFERENCE between what can be changed and what cannot while understanding all associated risks, benefits and alternatives.
What do you think?
I made this little video one day in my car…
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This article was originally published on The Gyneco-(b)Logic
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Looking for a new dish? This is the perfect salad because it is healthy, filling and flavorful!
Green salad:
Pasta Salad:
Pasta salad directions:
Green salad directions:
Enjoy!
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“I labored for hours. Underwent an emergency c-section. Survived a double NICU stay. And endured four days of a grueling hospital recovery. I finally brought my babies home on a Sunday, and on Monday morning I got the call. ‘I know you just had babies, but…’ It was a real-estate agent calling to report that their clients felt I had been ‘unresponsive’ that weekend, while I was in the hospital, having my twin babies.
“During the call, my 4 day-old babies were crying in the background and I wanted to tend to them. BUT, I couldn’t lose this client because I was responsible for a very important real-estate deal that was almost slipping through my fingertips. I asked the agent to hold on for a minute. I broke down crying for 20 seconds or so, feeling in the moment that I was in over my head in all areas of life. I came back to the phone with a renewed voice and spirit… ‘sure, I can do it!’ I knew right then that I had to up my game and master being in two places at once. That pretty much sums up my life of motherhood and career.” -Yondi Morris-Andrews, Esq.
Yondi Morris-Andrews is a mother, sister, wife, friend, and partner in a popular and successful law firm. Shortly after graduation from law-school eight years ago, Yondi was a contract attorney at a large firm and felt demeaned and degraded one day when the senior partner told her and the other attorneys:
“okay slaves, get back to work.”
Feeling both angry, yet inspired, Yondi decided she would not be “stuck” in such a position, and later tweeted “I need to start my own law firm.” Attorney friend Keli Knight responded that they should meet for lunch and talk about it. The two women tapped a third friend, Jessica Reddick, into the first meeting of what was to later be known as KMR Law Group. Destiny was set and the legal trio has not looked back!
Six years and 300 clients later, KMR is a boutique firm representing people buying and selling homes, real-estate developers and small business owners. In fact, the ladies of KMR have gained a popularity and following that led to their featuring in Elle, NBC News, The Atlantic and Cosmopolitan, to name a few.
Yondi was also featured in Crain’s Most Influential Minority Lawyers in Chicago, 40 under 40 Game Changers, and KMR was given the Ms. JD Women’s Strength in Numbers Award.
But KMR doesn’t just serve clients, they also give back to the community. Service and charity remain a part of their fundamental vision and they are always seeking new ways to donate their time and resources. One of Yondi’s favorite career moments was when KMR hosted a water drive for Flint Michigan to deliver fresh drinking water to the residents in need. The project was featured on the local news and KMR was grateful to aid in impacting so many lives.
But back to the matter at hand. You’re probably wondering how/why a mother would have to choose between twin newborns and work clients. Many women have the option of a maternity leave, where they can unplug from work and all other duties as assigned to focus on their 4th trimester of childbirth recovery, healing, and baby-bonding for the weeks or months after their babies are born. Well, when you are an accomplished attorney with your own firm AND you are your own boss, every client matters. Not to mention, purchasing a house is a big deal for an individual or family and it’s important to Yondi that their special day goes smoothly.
Maternity leave was not an option! To make matters even more challenging, Yondi’s partner was also due to give birth around the same time and preparing the busy firm to go from 3 partners to 1 partner in a matter of weeks was a complicated endeavor. Given that they were serving many clients simultaneously at different points of their home-buying process, no balls could be dropped and the firm had to have full-time coverage around the clock.
Missed calls or unresponsive emails could result in contract fines and devastating financial repercussions for both the firm and the client. Unplugging from KMR for a week, or even a day could mean that a client may loose their dream home in an instance. The firm did hire a paralegal to help cover the gaps, but to transition all the balls in the air and rearrange all the moving parts was still a huge undertaking.
The juggling act didn’t just start when the babies were born. Even when she was pregnant Yondi was balancing doctors visits with real-estate closings and client matters. In labor, a client texted for something she needed and Yondi responded that she was in the hospital. The client texted back saying “I know you’re in labor…. but.”
Even immediately after the babies were born and she came-to after waking up form her c-section, Yondi went straight to her laptop and began responding to important client emails that were on the brinks of fallen-deals. She didn’t want to be working, she yearned to be visiting her newborn babies in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). But that work had to be done and she stepped up to the plate. She also deeply appreciates all the overtime her partners put in to help her during this time; she could not have done it alone without their dedication and commitment to the firm.
The nurses kept telling her that “it can wait.” But hours after she gave birth, Yondi worked through morphine drips and dozed off attempting to send emails to clients.
“If it could wait, I wouldn’t be doing it.” -Yondi, shortly after giving birth
She found herself mad and frustrated with others that didn’t understand the stakes of her “unresponsiveness.” Only days after the birth, Yondi was sad because she felt like she was failing at both motherhood and career, already. She recalls feeling angry at society and herself for not implementing a viable maternity plan. She knew she had to build a sustainable work-life balance and put her family first.
Eight months into motherhood, Yondi is improving her time-management capabilities so that she can better juggle work and home. She has learned to multitask and build clear boundaries so that career and family can thrive at the same time.
For Yondi, a typical day is very tight as she balances motherhood, work, and being a devoted wife. After waking at 6 am and making a morning cup of coffee, she reads to the babies, introduces new stimuli, cleans the house, and attempts to respond to overnight emails. By 9am she’s already been up for hours, has forgotten her cup of coffee, and hasn’t even started her work day!
“One time one of the babies kicked my laptop and sent half of email to a client. So now I only send emails through my cell phone when they are on my lap!” -Yondi
When the nanny arrives a little after 9am, Yondi sheds a tear of relief, hops in the shower, and hits the road to begin her rigorous day. Attending closing after closing, making client phone calls at red-lights and running around town to meet her clients’ needs, Yondi finally makes her way home to the babies and husband to begin what they call “the 4 B’s”: Bathe, Books, Bottles and Bed. When the babies fall asleep at 8pm, the rest of the night is dedicated to her husband, more work, wine, and Netflix as she drifts off to sleep for the night…only to work up early and do it all again the next day!
Not only is Yondi a partner in a firm, she is also the Chair of Board of Directors for a charter school, an Associate Board member for another charter school, in charge of organizing volunteer projects for her firm, and a speaker on an array of panels. Recently, she had the honor of speaking to Columbia law students in New York about entrepreneurship.
The women were excited that she actually had her babies in the room as she presented, demonstrating firsthand how to multitask between motherhood and professional ventures. Even though Yondi is busy with her babies and law firm, she loves talking to others and rarely turns down a new opportunity to reach back.
Yondi used to be the life of the party and never had a dull moment! Only two years ago, she and her husband loved hitting the streets and painting the town red. Their dinner bill was never under $200. In fact, they earned so many Open Table points from upscale restaurants that they accumulated countless gift cards and perks to wine and dine for free!
But now…
The Andrews bill is usually under $50. There are fewer endless appetizers and bottomless mimosas these days. When the babies are in tow, she and her husband are looking to get in and out the restaurant at record speeds. And goodbye to the upscale swanky meals featured on “Restaurant Week,” Yondi and her husband only go to family-friendly and loud places where their babies can easily blend into the chaos. Sometimes they do get a taste of their old life and venture back to the fancy restaurants, but they have to hire a babysitter and coordinate the entire evening.
Having twin babies is a far cry from her former life, but Yondi is loving her new reality and looking forward to the future. Having the babies has taught her the importance of being patient, appreciating the moment, sustaining a strong marriage, and the beauty and fear of raising young black boys in America.
“I always knew about racism first-hand, but it hits much, much deeper now that I have boys of my own. I pray that society sees them as innocent and does not fear them.” -Yondi
Although she wants to continue her journey of self-awareness, balance, travel, and unforgettable date nights with her husband, her priority is raising happy, healthy, polite, well adjusted black men. She dreams of being “soccer mom” and “PTA mom.” However, she admits that she will not be trading her car in for a van (any time soon)! As for her law firm goals, she would ultimately like to hire additional attorneys to help with work-life balance and start a foundation to help people of color realize dreams of going to law school. Additionally, she feels privileged to continue building a law firm with women that she considers to be true friends.
Even though being an entrepreneur is tough, Yondi wouldn’t trade it for the world. Working both in and out of the home gives her the flexibility to check on her babies often and be present for many of their special moments.
“My life is full of roller coasters, ups and downs, twists and turns. And although I’m obsessed with being a perfect mom, sometimes I have to relax and realize what my babies need most is just love.” —Yondi Morris-Andrews, Esq.
You can follow KMR Law Group on their website, Instagram and Twitter.
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As a mother of three, the last of my brood being a 2-year-old girl, I am currently deep in the trenches of potty-training. I’m winning, though. Anytime we can take diapers and wipes off of the shopping list, we are all winning. I have a few tricks that I have learned along the way, and pitfalls to avoid as you enter your own tournament with your toddler.
To you, the parent, something that is like a pull-up (I have no issue with the brand, just the concept) are like pretend underwear that offer the security of catching urine and stool. To the toddler, they are diapers. Diapers. I thought with my first son that when we told him to wear them but to use the potty, that meant something. It meant NOTHING. Many actions in life change as a result of consequences or rewards. For my son the consequence had to be to the feeling of urine running down his leg and realizing that this was not a normal or comfortable feeling.
Whether on hard wood or a tile kitchen, you have to do “potty practice” in a place where mistakes won’t be catastrophic. You need to be in an accident state-of-mind. It’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. If you have carpet throughout your house, potty time should occur in the kitchen or somewhere with non-porous surfaces. If you have area rugs, consider removing them during the “potty tournament.”
It doesn’t seem to matter much for my daughter, but my sons were very able to urinate over the potty if certain trajectories weren’t pre-specified. The type of potty that has a higher middle was way better to catch and prevent these surprises. I had two types of potties: the type that went on the floor and the one that went on the toilets. A step in the bathroom came in handy too, especially for washing hands.
Do you have a weekend off without any activities planned? Let’s go full diaper-free. I am still putting diapers on baby girl during naps or at bedtime, but she is being asked every 15-20 minutes if she has to go and is making magic happen on the toilet consistently. I have done a fair amount of laundry though. Plenty of panty, pants, leggings and sock changes in the moments where she forgets and feels a warm wetness traveling down her leg. We even had one run-in with number 2. Thank God there is no such thing as number 3 (that is a reference from the sweet movie, Home.)
No need to give your blood pressure an unwelcomed boost. They all (for the most part) get it eventually. As much as that diaper purchase is something that you would like to see become a thing of the past, when they are ready, they’ll do it. It’s like walking.
My oldest son gave me so many headaches until we took away the pull ups and just gave him long shirts to walk around the house in. He was almost three. I think back to the money I wasted on training diapers and the moments that I stressed while he looked at me, undoubtedly wondering why I was riled up. I didn’t get upset with him outside of reminding him what I wanted him to do. He wasn’t stressed at all. Eventually the light-bulb clicked and he never looked back.
With my second son, I just brought out the froggy potty and put it in the bathroom. He started using it on his own.
Now baby girl has decided it is her time. She gives me the same “ta-da” after a potty run that she does after playing an abstract Minuet on the upright piano my parents gave us. #Winning.
Read more about healthy bowel movement habits for adults and children here on my blog.
Thanks for reading Sassy Plum!
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Men, do you know how to make your wife smile? Really…how many of these things do you do on a daily basis? Less than 10? Lucky for you, I’ve prepared a take-home assignment so you can pass the Chivalry refresher course! Why? Because women are really really simple and easy to please (wink wink.) Oh, who are we kidding? Some of us are complicated, moody, and downright unpredictable at times. And that’s completely okay! But there are still simple things you can do to make your wife smile, even if you can’t totally figure her out. Some of these have extra credit points, so over-achievers get ready!!
Husbands, give yourselves 2 points for every action-item you can check off.
1. Cook her favorite meal (double credit if you can actually cook…but brotha, sit this one out if it’s not your ministry and order her favorite takeout instead).
2. Send flowers for no reason.
3. Give her a foot massage (and expect nothing in return).
4. Let her sleep-in (and close the door on your way out the room.)
5. Make up the bed neatly.
6. Tell her she smells good.
7. Do a load of laundry (double credit if you do a 2nd load, triple credit if you fold the clothes too).
8. Wash her car and fill it up with gas.
9. Give her a new compliment (there are endless compliments out there, think of something sir.)
10. Tell her your best memory of her.
11. Keep the kids so she can run and get a pedicure.
12. Actually, just take the kids for the entire day so she can quietely live her life.
13. Let her take a long bath or shower in peace (without the kids sitting there staring at her or poking their desperate little fingers under the door).
14. Pull her chair out before she sits down.
15. Hold her hand in public.
16. Do the chore she hates most.
17. Do the dishes (and empty the dishwasher if you’re bad for double credit).
18. Give her a random hug.
19. Ask her what she wants to watch on TV (double credit if you actually turn to it without making a face).
20. Give her a sweet nickname.
21. Rub her back.
22. Kiss her hand.
23. Tell her why she is important to you.
24. Come home early (double credit if you help her with something as opposed to just posting up on the couch).
25. Surprise her with a small gift.
26. Meditate, pray, or have a quiet moment with her.
27. Make her breakfast in bed.
28. Tell her a funny joke.
29. Randomly play her favorite song (double credit if you don’t talk or sing over it.)
30. Bring in the groceries for her.
31. Tell her she’s sexy.
32. Tell her she’s funny.
33. Kiss her goodbye and again when you see her later.
34. Tell your friends on Facebook how wonderful she is.
35. Tell her she’s your best friend.
36. Tell her she’s intelligent.
37. Send her sweet texts throughout the day.
38. Ask her how her day was (and be an active listener for double credit).
39. Take her shopping.
40. Pamper her.
41. Offer to help with whatever she is doing (double credit if you skip asking and JUST DO IT. Watch her face turn from shock to silent appreciation).
42. Snuggle with her.
43. Ask her what she’s thinking about.
44. Make time for her (double credit if you cancel a man-outing in the process).
45. Let her rest if she isn’t feeling well.
46. Recreate your first day date (double credit if you remember it and actually get it right.)
47. Write her a short love-note and leave in a place where she will find it.
48. Let her vent (double credit if you listen without trying to solve her problem).
49. Let her take an uninterrupted nap.
50. Give her a gift card to her favorite store.
51. Slow-dance with her to her favorite love song.
52. Plan a date for her and her girlfriend.
53. Tell her how much you appreciate her.
54. Tell her to sit down and relax (and then take over whatever she was doing for double credit).
55. Tell her why you love her.
56. Say “I’ll do it” (and triple credit for actually doing it).
57. Simply say “thank you.”
58. Tell her you’re sorry (if you’re not sure what you did, just say it anyway and I guarantee she will appropriately apply it to an outstanding grievance).
59. Tell her she’s the most amazing thing that ever happened to you.
60. Tell her she’s right (10 points extra credit if you TELL THE TRUTH and say she’s right about everything, all the time).
There will be a pop quiz tomorrow and no, this will NOT be graded on a curve!
Total score:_______
Happy wife = happy life!
-The Wives Adjunct Council
The post Husbands: 60 EASY Ways To Make Your Wife Smile Today! appeared first on Sassy Plum.
By: Evin Marie.
Though I’m sure someone along the way may have intended it to be a dig, I always regarded it at as badge of honor. Amidst my many other aspirations, being a mother was always high on my list. Even when I experienced severe “hysterectomy-worthy” menstrual symptoms, I embraced them believing, that my body was preparing me for the pain it would require to birth my babies. I was ready.
During my first pregnancy, I excitedly/nervously prepared for a natural birth. Books. Videos. Classes. Prayer. I could imagine the final exertion of effort to bring my first child into the world, the notorious final push as my due date came…and went. A week later, my doctor suggested stripping my membranes to induce me… within 24 hours my water broke. She’s coming, I thought. Time to breathe, time to push, time for these childbearing hips to produce. I was ready.
No dilation. No contractions. Induction failed…and kept failing. A fever and 42 hours later, the doctor insisted on an emergency cesarean. My husband heard that I was in danger and the baby could suffer. All I heard was that there was something wrong with me, I couldn’t push my baby and I fought it. At the 44th hour, my Firefly was pulled from my belly on a surgical table-I didn’t feel the moment.
Though nothing can compare to the joy of her birth, the first tidings I received after her delivery from nurses, family and friends, wasn’t the crowning “You did that thing!”, but more of consolation. “It’s ok, at least the baby is healthy.” Of course. That was most important. I just wasn’t ready to feel like an underachiever on the day I had my first child. I felt ashamed and I wasn’t ready for that.
I felt stripped of my super powers.
I dodged “So, how was it?” questions and scowled at my loved ones who “let it slip.” I cursed my OBGYN. I didn’t even want to go back for a my check up with her. I felt like she betrayed me…stole from me to advance-the-selfish-plots-of-medical-professionals-in-the-U.S.-to-rush-along-my-moment-so-that-she-could-get-paid-more-and-be-home-by-dinner (at least that’s what I read).
My fantasies of doing TaeBo 6-weeks postpartum and “snapping back” were dead. Having an incision in the middle of my body made me feel like I was going to rip in two like some kind of folktale character. I didn’t stretch, much less exercise vigorously, for over a year because…well…I was afraid. My hips grew more and more seeming to spite me.
Seventeen months later, I was pregnant again and I had another chance. This time I’d be ready. Doula. Midwives. VBAC specialists. Hard dancing in my living room to house music. I was admitted at 41 weeks to be induced; nothing. I checked myself out of the hospital and went home.
Days later, I sat in the tub trying to will my baby to come. If this was my last child, I wanted labor to be everything I’d dreamed of–pain, sweat, laboring, pushing, exhaustion (you know, the good stuff!) or maybe even one of those Martin Lawrence comedic-style “Pop!” deliveries…because of my magical childbearing hips.
In my headphones played Christina Perri’s “A Thousand Years.”
“…Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything, take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this
One step closer”
And as I listened, I was reminded how the song took new meaning the first time I looked into the eyes of my Firefly.
I imagined myself pregnant as my ancestors were-enslaved working in a blistering cotton field
I paused for the many women who have lost their babies and their lives because no intervention was available or given or successful.
“I have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years…I’ll love you for a thousand more…”
I imagined the same life-long desire I had to be a mother in each of them and nothing, namely pride and unmet expectations, would separate them from that blessing.
“…Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything, take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this
One step closer…”
I checked into the hospital again. Tried again. Then, I shamelessly chose the second cesarean birth of an equally beautiful, uniquely magnificent baby girl, Faith, and I was grateful.
“Wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now” – Maya Angelou
My birth stories are as much a part of my purpose as Firefly and Faith. I was inducted into the society of mothers by the “stuff” that makes motherhood the most exalted position on the planet. My desires interrupted by circumstances and yet made perfect by acceptance, sacrifice, love and the manifestation of new lives with infinite possibility. In retrospect, the only thing I would change is the shame. My birth stories are as much a part of my purpose as Firefly and Faith. They taught me to accept my journey; create my own benchmarks. To DIY my own badges of motherhood-cause I’m a co-creator, not just a duplicator. It’s all a part of my fingerprint.
Since then, my childbearing hips have comforted tearful toddler faces, borne arm-carried car seats; been saddle for giggling little girls riding piggyback and metronome for our dance sessions in the living room singing “Who run the world- GIRLS!” I hold a renewed respect for the value of my hips and for my motherhood…beyond the labor story.
“She Got Them Childbearing Hips”
Back in the day,
with my own intentions
I’d Coca Cola down pavements
And men then found it their
Entertainment to
“Ooo-wee” and
“G–D—!”
At the caldron below my waist
That bubbled, bubbled toiled and
Troubled their minds
From side, front and behind
She got that-
She got that-
She got them
Childbearing HipsUnbeknownst to their unwelcomed nasty
I claimed that as
affirmation of my deepest desire.
To lock souls with with a warrior of my destiny
Become we
And birth Black Excellence
Again and again
from my
Childbearing HipsChapters into my
Happily ever after,
my fairy-tale was deferred
in a word:
Cesarean.I felt pathetic
placed my worth in
Hips now
prosthetic…Mind and Heart
All armagged-ic
Until my baptism-
I died to the world of
Me Phi Me
and
I resurrected
A Mother
of
Two Magnificent Shes.Those girls release me
To see myself beyond the
“Supposed to” and “shoulds”
And now, for their sake
I say,
I wish a hip would
Stay limited to how it did
Or did not bear a child
Two carved womb smiles
and yet I’m still
Undefiled.
They’re wide,
fly
and
irregardless
they my,
Childbearing hips.Twilight comes
And sleep runs
From the grasp of
An angel eyed She.
Night visioned, I scoop her up
Swaying like a hammock
Inspired by a southern breeze
Lulling her to dreamland on these
Childbearing hips.House music bumps
in our house
Like
every other dinner-cooking.
Wild haired little shes
Jump
Nod
Twist
Flip and all the while looking
At mommy’s doon-dada
Rocking to the beat
They try to mimic
Air-hoola-hooping
So sweet
I grin at culture
and womaninity
Being teached
by my
Childbearing hips.Tears flow
And little she-bodies wriggle
As taming the crowns
Of queens-to-be
Hurts more than a little
Balling up fetal
Sitting in the middle
Comfort is found
On these
Childbearing hipsI day-stare into future hours
When my little shes
Will grow and gain their powers
Fierce
Brilliant
Spirited
Wise
And yet,
I imagine
days seeing uncertainty in their eyes
Some he or it
Barking at their trail
Attempting to define
Failing to derail
And I will tell them stories
of mommy
writing her own tales
Sitting on the throne
Of my
Childbearing Hips.-Evin Marie
The post My Childbearing Hips Are My Badge of Honor appeared first on Sassy Plum.
When did health professionals start doing that?
Crowd mentality dominates the world today. People enjoy liking what other people like. If I see an amazing dress or pair of earrings worn by someone who I admire with thousands of likes and comments, in theory, am first in line to try it. I say in theory because sometimes the more notable the wearer, the more expensive the article.
Crowd mentality is a natural part of humanity. In many ways, people seek to be “normal.” But we all have an individuality that makes us feel special too. All of my life I have enjoyed breaking just enough of the mold to be different. Well, maybe not ALL OF MY LIFE. It really started in college at Xavier University of Louisiana. (XU Rocks the house).
Moving from Chicago to the humidity of New Orleans, I made a life-changing decision to cut off my permed hair and go natural. My first roommate was a young woman who marched to the beat of her own drum. She colored her natural fro regularly and taught me how to do the same. Now these were the days before Facebook was popular on the scene, but trust me when I tell you that my hair style and color choices turned heads every which-a-way. I went pink, blonde, even green at one point. Am I lying, Charmel?
I made the decision to tone down my colored fro and transition to a loc style with more flexibility and less flare. In residency, color changes re-emerged, but to a lesser degree than my novice beginnings.
In the spring of 2017, my volume of hair began to annoy me enough that, in my own bathroom under no supervision, my husbands clippers became acquainted with the back of my head. I won’t call that a good decision because hair-barbering is an art, if you don’t already know. Enter the most awesome barber I know…
I asked Nolan to do whatever he wanted back there and he hooked me up with an undercut that screamed individuality and style. Now every time I have a media event to do, a talk to give, or just feel like being me, I go and get an unique cut. I believe that anyone can express their individuality as long as it doesn’t distract from their ultimate purpose.
As women, and as human beings, if we stifle our individuality, we never reach our full potential for impact on this world. The greatest movements were started and elevated by individuals who broke the mold, even if not initially supported by the group or community as a whole.
Why? Because individuality and stepping outside of the norm is how change happens. Change is needed in so many parts of our world. Check out one of my latest posts about my ultimate goals for change and how I plan to help people with student loans in the future. I may even help you out.
How I turned my hair style choice into a subject that the father of The Civil Rights Movement would care about, the world may never understand. At least I’m consistent with my mysterious disposition.
The post Don’t Undercut My Hairstyle: The Message Behind The Cut appeared first on Sassy Plum.
Alright, full disclosure, this post is not intended to be judgy. Know that it is purely science, with a little bit of opinion.
Also know that my first pregnancy was… unscheduled. So I am not someone who is insensitive to unplanned or surprise pregnancies.
April, 10th, Cardi B said this:
“No, it wasn’t planned, it was just one night. It was a good night. It had to be that night,” she said during an April 10 interview on Power 105.1’s “The Breakfast Club.”
I can’t tell you how many times I hear from women who justify using inconsistent or no birth control by saying, “well, I haven’t gotten pregnant yet. I’m starting to think that I can’t.”
A woman may hear me say,
“You know, it only takes one time to have unprotected sex to get pregnant.”
Luther would be standing behind me and would say something more like,
“B!+(# you’re playing with FIRE!” (I don’t curse, but go with it for emphasis. I’m using artistic expression here.)
Let’s review your options to prevent pregnancy and their failure rates with typical use:
You know this! So why don’t more people use reliable birth control?
For some, it’s fear. For some it’s lack of access. For some it is a false sense of security that “it hasn’t happened yet.” Every individual should discuss with their own health professional their optimal method and risks vs benefits. There are many health benefits of birth control that people don’t often know about.
And we haven’t even touched on the subject of STI risk when not using barrier contraceptives. I like to encourage barrier-use plus another method. Considering Offset’s rumored sex tape and 2 other children, both age 2, I am only speculating that he may not be an avid condom user. I hope Cardi is being checked for possible STIs.
Chill, It’s just a hotdog.
Unwrapped
Oh Luther… if I hear “I’m scared of IUDs,” one more time, he is going to scream, “ARE YOU SCARED OF HAVING A SURPRISE PREGNANCY. BECAUSE THAT $#!+ IS SCARY!” I won’t say that, Luther will. Read more about IUDs here. Btw, I have one and I LOVE it. TMI? No such thing with a gynecologist.
50 percent of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned and most of them are women in their 20’s.
Okay, enough stats.
I pray blessings and love over her new baby. I hope that her story will help others who are not yet ready to not end up in the same position because of lack of knowledge. While she welcomes the pregnancy, she wasn’t ready. She said it herself.
Stay tuned for another post about the best ways and times to TRY to get pregnant, since for many women, the paradigm shifts at some point from dodging pregnancy to seeking it. Subscribe above or below to keep up with the world of The Gyneco-(b)Logic. Leave me a comment here or on social media about this post.
If you want to keep playing with fire out here, Luther is going to be standing over your shoulder when you see two lines on that test you urinated on, and he’s going to yell,
Find more about reliability and effectiveness of birth control options from the CDC here.
Send this to your daughters and friends!
The post Cardi B Baby Bump: What We Learned About This Pregnancy appeared first on Sassy Plum.
